When you hear something you don’t believe, what do you do?
When you see something that contradicts what you hear and believe, what do you do?
When decisions are made that you don’t agree with, what do you do?
The result of the EU referendum debate, leaves those on all sides with this question – what do we do?
What’s been done cannot be undone – much as though we may wish it to be so. All of the reports and media articles of people saying I didn’t realise what it would mean, do not change the outcome. Change is upon us. Our choice is, now what do we do to make this work?
I am fortunate to love and live with a senior Foreign Office diplomat. Over the past 10 years I have struggled hugely with him remaining in the FCO. With my commercial mindset I find it difficult to reconcile why he does not go out into the world of business and use his extensive experience, skills and knowledge of policy and economics in some of the largest trading regions of the world, to benefit us financially as a family. If skills, experience and knowledge are currency, his are eminently marketable.
But despite supporting him through a year off to do a Masters degree in Corporate Social Responsibility and a further year to then support his ailing parents and look after our son, he chose to return. I was baffled and resentful – this surely was the opportunity to move into corporateland? To make money commensurate with his knowledge and experience. To expand his experiences. Why would he want to return to an ailing Foreign office with budgets cut to the bone, people resources cut to the bare minimum, pay cuts over the past 10 years (not picked up in the media as populist press would have you believe the life of privilege and Ferrero Rocher chocolates)? The reality is while the cost of living increases year on year, he has seen no pay rises since his promotion 8 years ago (and his take home pay now actually lower than it was then, as more money is taken out through frequent increases to pension contributions) little development (hardly any money for this either), and an increase in responsibility and accountability as roles that were senior Ambassador /Director level 10 years ago are re-graded to save further money. Why on earth, is he still so loyal? Why on earth does he stay?
His response? Because he loves his job and his country. It’s a vocation and a belief all wrapped up into one. 
I have never claimed to understand this. I have been irritated beyond belief that this is how he is built.
But today I am so grateful he is there. Today when as a country we are in turmoil, in disarray and division, it’s the vocational footsoldiers, those with the knowledge, skills and experience of how we work as a country, how we can work as a country in an uncertain future, who will support the emerging politicians and new burgeoning establishment, in the months and years ahead.
And over the course of the next few days, weeks and months when the political punters, social commentators, print, digital and visual news media, the politicians, local councillors, bosses, colleagues, friends, family and neighbours all pontificate and have their say, people like Craig will be tirelessly and diligently working long hours, quietly stressing about what more they can do to make the consequences of 24 June work for the electorate.
They deserve our support. And our recognition.
Democracy hurts. Choice of either/or will always create division. Friendships, beliefs and values are challenged. But our personal choices, in these times of change, fundamentally lie in our levels of humanity.
Do we choose to love more or hate more?
Do we choose to get involved or observe?
Do we choose hope or fear?
The course organiser had forgotten it was scheduled for the first days of Ramadan. We were in +35 degree heat, attendees had caffeine withdrawal symptoms, no one could sip water never mind eat, many asked for permission to lie on the floor and I was supposed to educate on a Western concept. To better understand my attendee’s experiences and culture, beliefs and rituals, I decided to fast with them and its one of my everlasting memories, seeing the vibrant aliveness of these kind and generous people as we all celebrated and enjoyed Iftar together in the evening coolness. During those few days time took on a new meaning – it became the essence of substance, of endurance, of belief. There was no clock involved, just the rising and setting of the sun. During this week, there were many life lessons; learning to adapt myself, my thinking and the course content while still achieving a good outcome. And this was achieved by us working together, tailoring and adapting time management concepts for the Sudanese. The outcome became, practical and realistic rather than a great theory in a Western management handbook.
Conversely, polychronic or cyclical cultures like to do multiple things at the same time. They tend to view people and relationships as more important than tasks and time. If you are from this kind of culture, you will aim to build trust and lifelong relationships. Being on time will depend on the relationship, or status, rather than any stated task and objectives. My African friends and colleagues, Latin Americans, Southern Europeans all tend to be from polychronic cultures.
To be fair, he was senior in 
It’s Tuesday, the week is still young and already it’s emerging as one of these times where change seems to happen almost every minute.
For the first time, Roscoe pays attention to his destination and is full of questions – is it still at war? Is it safe? What is he doing there? Trying to have an informed discussion at breakfast is challenging, I’m not a ‘morning person’ and I don’t have satisfactory answers to any of his 
At dinner with some girlfriends it’s a lively topic of discussion. We agree that the politics of fear from both sides; dire economic consequences/too much immigration, don’t work for us. I share my view that it is fundamentally a vote about belief and values. The best way for me to decide is by being guided by my beliefs; on what I hold to be true formed by my history and experiences and my values and hopes for myself and future generations. To make a decision based on any of the arguments being postulated in the news items, by people who have obvious personal motivations, is potentially foolish, particularly when some of what is being said has so many holes we could evoke the curds of the Swiss! 
Those of us who have never experienced, or only been lightly touched, by the impact of war, or rationing, have less fear of losing our national identity . What does being British mean these days? Are we not now the sum of our parts rather than the whole? And true, when I asked around the table, “what nationality are you?” the answer is “I’m English”, or “I’m Irish” or in my case, “I’m Scots”. To the question “where do you belong?” there was a more interesting response “Europe, but not continental Europe”. Are we proud to be British anymore? Or are we so impassioned by our smaller parts of the United Kingdom? Perhaps we would rather associate ourselves with the much larger EU? Maybe Gordon Brown was onto something when he spoke in 2007 about our national identity. The 
through the door barrier. To wear it requires a mindset of curiousity “how can I make this better today?” I am aware that my enthusiasm is not for all. In some ways I am lucky to have missed the steady slow demise of these past few months; lucky to have learned new coping techniques for dealing with change outside of my control; lucky to know what’s important, what’s transient and what’s downright trivial in comparison.
Whether its company takeovers, redundancies, ending relationships, reviewing education options or even the current interminable Brexit/Brexin debate in the UK, it all creates inevitable change. Our choice is how we choose to face this, how we move on, recognising that there are days when this is easier than others. Let’s face it, even the more perfect souls have down days too.
I avoid the phone. I don’t invite myself round for coffee or invite friends over for wine or gin and chat. I’m conscious of people having to ask me to repeat what I’ve said. The word ‘pardon’ or phrases like “excuse me”, “say again” or “I didn’t quite catch that” have taken on ridiculous proportions in my head. For someone who has much to say, it’s really frustrating that I can’t speak too long without jaw pain, tiredness and the inevitable slurring. On days where I’m being kind to myself and more mindful, I remember that I’m learning to improve my listening, to use my NLP to look at the structure of the conversation, not the content. But there are days where I beat myself hard, where I push to enunciate more, to exercise more, to say more, socialise more, be more ‘normal’. And the price is a lack of energy, increased levels of pain, a heightened sense of self-consciousness and greater irritability and tiredness.
My desire to take action, to get over this, to move on, burns fierce-bright. My good days tease my down days with possibilities that achingly remain just out of reach. I know I will get there, I just don’t know when.