Category Archives: General Musings

Stories, recollections and ideas on a wide range of topics

General Musings

Day Dreamers

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I love the shower. It’ s part of my repetitive daily activity where the ritual of cleaning is almost second nature, so requires no conscious thought.  Day dreams shower imageSo my morning shower is where my subconscious whacks me on the head and yells LISTEN HERE!  It’s the place where I  have out-loud, role-play conversations with friends and adversaries.  It’s where I kick ass, speak most eloquently, win arguments. react with most passion and generally gain clarity.  It’s the place where my second voice, my inner voice, is the loudest and most true.    My showers are the best places for my day dreams.day dreams - funny

So soggy notepaper with indecipherable scrawl is often found around the bedroom.  On occasions,  I look at these scraps with amusement and wonder if the smell of the soap suds has acted as a natural high.  Other times, it’s as if I’ve single-handedly written the synopsis of the next great opus.  Many times, I’m in such a rush I promise myself that I’ll commit my thoughts or intentions to memory, yet by the time I’m in the car they are like fragments tossed in the wind of nothingness. Oh for a 20 year old memory again…

I can have such daydreams while out walking, but my nearest approximation to a full on shower experience are the days I spend in the mountains.  There is something about the clarity of the air that strips my mind of all nonsense and noise and sets it free to just be.

It’s the best form of mindful meditation that I know.  The steady monotony of one step, the swing of one arm, one walking stick or ice axe, then the next foot.  And on and on we go.  The voice of “polepole polepole” Swahili for “slowly slowly” is the mantra which reverberates around my head as burning muscle, fatigue and pain are all swept aside for the sheer pleasure and promise of the next great vista.

Day dreamer - Mount Kenya Lake NickelsonAnd waking up at the first light of dawn, crawling from a small tent and peering into the grey morning mist is a delicious sensation (often before the reality of blistered feet and wet boots creep back into consciousness).

With Roscoe too young, and not very willing for full on mountain trips,  our annual ski trips have become so important to me.  Being in the mountains with Craig and Roscoe, standing at the top of a perfect piste, planning our route is one of the best feelings.  I don’t think or worry about anything else apart from we three enjoying the wind in our faces, the sun on our back and the opportunity to whoop and laugh and feel pure joy as we head downwards, snow crisp, light, powdery under ski.

So the goal is set; four weeks from now to be well enough, fit enough, pain-free enough to persuade Craig that we can do a last minute Easter ski holiday.

Until then, I’m going to spend a lot of time in the shower…

 

Assumptions -TE lawrence quote

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

General Musings

Appearances can be deceptive

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How many of us have ever “thin sliced”  some one we’ve just met, deciding within the first 10 seconds that they are not our type?  And we move on, rarely questioning what created this decision-making process.

I’m ashamed to say I’ve a track record of doing this. And I can’t even claim this is just a recent phenomena  – it goes back over 20 years.  On three memorable occasions, my intuition or assumption, has, quite frankly, been way wrong.

When I was just starting out in my proper career, having had a few false starts, in my first week in the job I met a woman who was also a new recruit.  She was obviously bright, quick and clever,  she indirectly scared and threatened me.  On another occasion (same company) I met another woman who was sorted, ballsy and so zen, I could not see what we would ever have in common. appearances - school bake sale  My third example is a local “school Mum”.   I figured she was one of those stay at home types who were dismissive of us working Mothers,  as we were never around for bake sales, school events or play ground chats.   Today, all three women are part of my tribe and I am proud to call them great friends. So what changed?

Title: THELMA AND LOUISE ¥ Pers: DAVIS, GEENA / SARANDON, SUSAN ¥ Year: 1991 ¥ Dir: SCOTT, RIDLEY ¥ Ref: THE079BE ¥ Credit: [ MGM/PATHE / THE KOBAL COLLECTION ]

A month after settling into our new jobs, Clare and I broke up with our boyfriends and decided that we deserved a 3  week road trip around California,  loosely based on the good parts of “Thelma and Louise”.  Wendy and I bonded over dealing with a lecherous boss and her family home became my UK haven during my years in Africa. Haydee turned out to have talents that compliment mine and as a result she has completely redesigned how we live in our home and interact as a family.  In all cases circumstances changed, encouraging me to re-think my initial impression.

Sometimes we reassure ourselves that these initial assumptions are our intuition.  Out gut is telling us that there is something in that person we don’t like. Quite often we make a snap judgement that, in time, is proven to be wrong. We think that we are deciding in the moment, but really we are using our unique personal filters in deciding how that person fits into, or threatens, our world.

The world is nothing but my perception of it. I see only through myself. I hear only through the filter of my story. Katie Byron

These filters are often rooted in our values, beliefs and culture – in NLP terms what we call our meta programmes.  For the curious among us, who want to understand more about our filters, you can take a free NLP meta test by clicking here.

It is forgetting, not remembering, that is the essence of what makes us human. To make sense of the world, we must filter it. “To think,” Borges writes, “is to forget.  Joshua Foer

In the three examples I have given above, something had to change to cause me to stop, challenge and reflect on my original assumptions.  Because I am a change geek – I prefer constant change and pay attention to things that are different or mismatch – I noticed that the behaviours of all three women did not match my initial impressions. What was clear was that if I wanted these women to change around me, I had to change myself.

Appearance - Henry Ford

It’s the hardest thing to not feel threatened or scared by difference.  In new situations, meeting new people for the first time, most of us gravitate towards people are likely to agree with us or who seem most similar to us.

So the next time you meet someone new, in an interview, at a meeting or a social occasion, recognise some of your filters and suspend judgement for a while.  You never know, you may be talking to your next best friend, neighbour or boss!!

 

 

 

 

General Musings, Life change

Returning

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In ancient times in places as far apart as Egypt and India,  our ancestors lived with the concept of eternal return.  Their belief;  the universe recurs, and will continue to recur across infinite time and space. And as a result,  time is cyclical and recurring.

Even today, in many religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism and Sikhism, the concept of a cyclical pattern is inherent. The wheel of life represents an endless cycle of birth, life and death.  We live to die. And eventually, by living a good life, Nirvana or nothingness can be achieved.Returning. Nothingness

And the system of groundhog day daily life,  a system of returning repeatedly, is something we all experience, sometimes without realising.

We return to work and we return from work. We return to friends, family, pets.  We return to our home. And hopefully to our real selves in our private spaces.  Some of our returns are more significant than others. Returning to a friendship, not lost, just dormant and re-found. Returning to a trusted brand for mortgages, insurances or cars.  Even  returning home after a disagreement.

How many returns do you make today or this week?  Daily occurances  demonstrating that linear time is not the only time we move to. Returning cycical timeHow many of us really embody daily change and difference in our busy lives?  How exhausting would this be?! And in recognising that many of our actions and decisions are more habitual than conscious, does this awareness change our behaviour?

Being sick, means my habitual returns are broken and new ones form. There are returns which are firsts so they take on a significant hue; the return home to Roscoe from the hospital,  the return to eating ordinary food,  to talking so most understand, to walking more than 100 metres without becoming exhausted.  Then there are the returns which are more habitual; dressing myself, washing my hair, driving, doing the school run, shouting at my boys for leaving trails of dirt, grime and mess behind them.

And then there is the return to work.  And even going in for my first half day last week knocks me sideways.  Returning to using my brain in a certain way, to maintaining a professional image, to being alert for all communication – it’s exhausting.

With this return to  work, I  find myself  excited, scared, inquisitive, curious. How can I…? How will I…? How much do I…?  It’s true, I now manage a large amount of ambiguity, in terms of self, of work and the finite amount of energy that I have.  Returning TrustI must trust that time is not linear, it is cyclical. That I was, I am, I will be, great again.

And then a conversation provides a breakthrough.  My worth and value is not measured in what I do, defined by quantity and physical doing , it’s measured by how I enable.  I am returning to being a catalyst, a mentor, a coach, a leader. I am returning to being my whole self.

We all return, eventually.  Let’s be  aware and grateful of the habitual and revived returns we make in this life.  And if they don’t fit, or serve a purpose, let us change.

After all, we may have many lives ahead of us to reap the rewards of the life we live today.

Returning. final quote

 

General Musings

Burns

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Today we celebrate the Scottish Bard – Robert Burns.

Burns night is a celebration, no matter where we are.  The Caledonian Society in Uganda Burns - Caledonian society of ugandais very active and each year the Haggis, the cheese, the shortbread, the Piper and sometimes even the Scottish Country Dancers are flown in!  Aside from St Andrews Day itself, Burns night is an  excuse for us Scots to throw a party, drink up a storm and practice our eightsome reels.  A guaranteed night of revelry in the Sheraton hotel in Kampala.  And our Ugandan friends and colleagues  turn up, enjoy our food, drink malt whisky with gusto and take to the floor to add some spice and rhythm to the dancing.  These are treasured memories;  every  nationality,  wholeheartedly participates and celebrates the life of Robert Burns.

Burns - imageBorn on January 25, 1759, much has already been written about the life of Robbie.  In a nutshell he was a dreadful womaniser, an incurable romantic and a prolific writer of both poetry and song.

My Dad was always convinced he was Robert Burns re-incarnated.  True, they were both born in Ayrshire – a few miles apart.  Burns  in Alloway which once was a pretty village now subsumed into the suburbs of Ayr, a beautiful seaside town.   Robert G Ferguson (my Dad) came from Saltcoats – a bit further along the Ayrshire coast.  Saltcoats is a working man’s  town, itself merged into Ardrossan, a ferry port. I couldn’t tell you where Ardrossan stops and Saltcoats begins.Burns - islay ferry  I can say it has no particular points of note apart from this is where you go to catch a ferry to the beautiful isle of Arran.  And Saltcoats has a pebble beach, unlike the tiny speck of sandy beach by the Pencil in Largs.   The rivalry between the two towns is more pronounced in our family. Largs is my Mother’s home town.  And certainly with the lure of Nardinis ice cream parlour, a wee jaunt up Castle Hill to get a great view of  Millport and the Clyde and some of the best fish and chips in the land,Burns - Nardini Largs remains one of my favourite places in Ayrshire.

 

As a child I would listen to my Dad as he recounted verse and sang song and true to his spiritual soul-mate, he did indeed take on some of the  more ‘colourful’ characteristics of Robbie Burns.

And, just like Burns, my Dad could write evocative poetry.

My brother read his last verses out at his funeral in a poem entitled Tomorrow’s World.

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Robert Greig Ferguson

Imposing title but who is he?

Who stands now before eternity

Ashamed to write with quivering pen

Just another of Scotland’s nearly men

The brain was there, the spirit too

Available since nineteen forty-two

But the flesh was weak, like many’s gone before

Manyana – we will open up that door.

But Manyana never seemed to come

For Caledonia where I was bred and born

Please God from my ashes, now let stand

Auld Scotia’s Eternal tomorrow’s man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

General Musings, Life change

Let’s play

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In the interminable juggle that comes with balancing home life and work life, it’s hard to remember the importance of  social life.  The opportunity to chill out and have fun.

In fact I have been given fun, focusing on fun, as some homework.   In the beginning, I associate fun with laughing. So I’ve learned about the  importance of the two limbic structures in my brain which play a role in laughter; my  amygdala and my hippocampus.  Turns out that my amydgala helps me take part in normal human activities such as friendship, love and affection, as well as ascertaining my moods. And my hippocampus is a major contributor to loud, uncontrollable laughter.

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Research by Loma Linda University discovers that humour, which they describe as ‘mirthful laughter’, engages the entire brain.  Mirthful laughter creates gamma wave band frequencies similar to meditation which in turn allows us to think more clearly and see our issues in a wider, more integrated way.  According to Dr Lee Berk from Loma Linda university “This is of great value to individuals who need or want to revisit, reorganize, or rearrange various aspects of their lives or experiences, to make them feel whole or more focused,” .

If you are interested in the science of laughter, more information is available  on the laughteronlineuniversity.  Or watch a Ted Talk by the neuroscientist, Sophie Scott.   

It’s all very interesting but I begin to question my definition of fun.  My  Collins English dictionary describes it as “a source of enjoyment, amusement or merriment”.  Fun is aligned with, but not necessarily the same as, laughter or happiness.  And in my case, striving for  contentment felt like it was enough. Lets play 2

Being content is described  as “mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are”.  Boy, was I selling myself short!

So, do you know what fun means for you?  How do you experience it?  And, how do you keep fun alive in your life?

This is my quest –  finding out what fun means for me.

Roscoe turns out to be a great source of finding my way. Playing football with him and Craig on a beach in St Andrews in Scotland where wind, rain, hail and sunshine appear in the space of 5 minutes is great fun.  I still don’t know how to kick a ball with anything other than my toes.  But I do know how to move sweater goal posts when they’re not looking and I’m the goalie.IMG_5807 - Copy

Working as his sous Lego chef, when we’re rebuilding a model is fun. True,  my OCD and I have fun while sorting out his thousands of Lego pieces into colour, shape, size and form and bagging them up appropriately.  But it’s a fabulous feeling  to be squirrelling through these bags searching for the light grey flat piece with 6 bumps and finding it. He appears to not be impressed but I know he loves the fact that his Mum loves playing with Lego almost as much as he does.

I find fun, out walking and talking with friends when the wind blows or the sun shines or when the cold and rain makes you dream of a warm log fire and a large glass of something lovely.  I love it when friends stretch my brain, looking for a discussion or a disagreement, without rancour, with the intention to stretch ourselves, dream new ideas, create new possibilities.

Lets play 10Equally I love listening to  friends who have stories which belong in soaps, comedies or drama series – their lives are full of adventures and tales and experiences.  Others are happy to be silly with me, throwing themselves with gusto into whatever is going on – whether its Cards against Humanity or  pinging themselves off the sides of mountains as we attempt to ski after nice long and quite liquid lunches and/or apres ski.

I have fun with music, I’m infamous for my love of exhibition dancing.  And, I have such fun travelling, meeting new people, having new experiences, learning new ways to be, trying new foods, finding new places to get lost. Actually I don’t necessarily need to travel to experience these things. It’s just sometimes more socially acceptable to get lost somewhere else than your own back yard.

What am I learning?

I’m relaxed when pottering around on my own.  On the basis of my fun definition, I’m happy in my own company. I have fun when Roscoe and Craig are happy, in fact watching them have fun is contagious and it spreads to me even when I’m not taking part.  But the real learning is that I have most fun when I’m with others, being part of a small group, be it family, friends or even strangers.  Fun for me is being social.

I’m ready to come out to play.