Although employed by the UK Department of Trade, I’m locally engaged. This means when Craig moves roles and I go with him ( there are some days when this is more of a consideration than an absolute…hah), I will need to leave my role and stop leading my fantastic Caribbean DIT team.
The thought of this day has me almost coming out in hives. Having invested so much into my current role, there is much still to do and still so much more to learn. I’m just getting started.
But public service people-change is structured and planned. Particularly in relation to overseas roles. So it’s inevitable we will move on; even though, at this time, we have no clue as to where and when.
Dealing as a “trailing spouse” with this level of ambiguity, where I have no control nor influence, and where I have to give up my own hard-won job, is turning out to be harder than I thought. I’m driving my mentor batty with my over-thinking and frustrated drive for action.
I need to create and package a portable career; a transferable kitbag of skills, knowledge and experience, which can be deployed wherever we end up. I comfort myself that I knew only a little about international trade and investment two and a half years ago and yet here I am today, regularly speaking publicly, leading the most productive team in LATAC and directing the work of the Caribbean Trade Envoy. And all the while managing degrees of complexity, a vast array of wide ranging challenges and a suite of stakeholder engagement that makes my corporate career seem like a whimsical breeze.
Yet I remain uncertain and nervous. I’m wired for work and the fear of future unproductive, unstructured days fills me with horror to such an extent that I’m over-engineering from the get go. So my mentor sets me the task of updating my CV and forming the stories I will share of my experiences and achievements. Writing is a passion so this doesn’t seem like too much of a chore until I sit down at my keyboard.
What do I want and much more importantly, why?
Prompted by conversations with my sis-in-law, I sign up for Simon Sinek’s foundation course on finding my why. I’m only part way through and loving it but have found today’s exercise to be mentally challenging. The task is to write at least 6 stories on my life’s peaks and valley’s, stories which elicit emotional highs and lows which I can tell with passion and authenticity. In the beginning this seems similar to the work done on the True North leadership journey but as my depth of self awareness and emotion has increased since my cancer, I’m much more prepared to be open, honest, vulnerable and raw.
And it stinks.
I discover, as I write the headings and shape over forty story bones, that my desire to spin gold out of horse manure, has disappeared. I can see patterns and themes emerging as if the theatre curtain has swept open while I stand on stage; undressed, alone and vulnerable. I’m untethered.
So here I am unburdening on this blog. Trying to create distance from the jotter of notes and timelines and memories. Sitting with more whys than Simon Sinek has ever dreamed of in his entire puff.
I know the ‘what’ of my stories and in most cases I know the ‘how’ but the why??? There is so much I can’t answer particularly in those stories languishing in the valleys of life. I can’t take responsibility for others actions and decisions, I’m only responsible for choosing and accepting my reaction and action to these circumstances. In many stories patterns emerge of white knuckle survival, the outsider’s desire to belong and a dogged determination to not show reaction or weakness, even when crumbling inside. But the why? The purpose, motivation and intended outcomes of others… well I’ll never know. My fear of being a victim means I spend little time pondering on why others have acted as they’ve done; it’s a senseless enquiry as it doesn’t change the past and increases the chances of poor behaviours based on deep seated fears. It has the potential to become a never ending perpetual cycle of introspection and conjecture.
I’ve come to realise that my why, my purpose, needs to be based on sunshine experiences so I’m not reacting to negative forces. It’s a real Star Wars insight. I choose to be Luke and reject thoughts of Anakin.
So whether it’s the 5 why’s (going back to my total quality management days here) or the NLP clean questioning guidance when ‘Why’ can never be part of the interactive dialogue enquiry; this 3 letter word has the potential to elicit powerful emotions and reactions.
I will step through the rest of this course with more caution, consideration and care.
And get on with the easier task of updating my CV.
These articles bring to mind a charming animated Disney Pixar movie which I watched on a plane last year.
So it’s interesting to move forward 40 years to find Roscoe’s generation being inspired by Bowie and wondering who the old geezer wearing the Granddad jumper is in the video.
On British Royalty, we agree that Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana are likely to be remembered for their actions and enacting change. Our jury is out on Prince Charles. Driving past the still half-mast American flag (we presume due to the recent death of 41, President Bush) we talk about those American Presidents still living and dead and mull on those who are memorable or not. We deduce that those who were firsts or created long-lasting change are remembered, those who served and chartered a steady course, less so. This is equally true of British Prime Ministers; Blair, Cameron, May will disappear into a historical timeline, Churchill, Pitt, George, possibly Thatcher, Atlee and even Chamberlain stand out. Of business leaders, I think Gates will be remembered for his philanthropy and determination to rid the world of polio, malaria and other curable diseases, much more than him co-founding Microsoft. Will future generations remember Buffett, Zuckerberg, Branson, Dyson or Jobs? Or the GE titan, Jack Welsh?
An organisation led by a leader who knows where they fit in the bigger picture, who they are, why they are there and why they want to achieve their goals is much more likely to succeed in the longer term than those solely looking for enhanced Total Shareholder Earnings and quarterly profit growth. The sustainable long-term health and viability of an organisation and the success of its Leader should never be measured on financial performance and metrics alone.
This time of year, encouraging change is good business for those of us in the business of change. You will find your inbox and social media accounts littered by offers of helping you shift your mindset, your waistline and some of your bank balance.
It’s two weeks before my operation. The weight and enormity of my cancer diagnosis is behind me. I’m focused on the practical. All I have to do, prepare for, organise lies ahead. There are lists in every notebook, on every large magnetic surface. I am a whirlwind of efficiency, able to project risks, variabilities, possibilities and solutions. More loquacious than I’ve been for a long time, I ask for and receive help, love, support, kindness. In amongst this maelstrom, I open an email. Would I like to participate in IC Fight Night? An industry event where four executives postulate on various topics and be red or green carded by the audience. Immediate feedback. Immediate discussion. Immediate interaction and debate. Four leading industry executives. One winner. It’s in April next year. Months away. I think about it for less than a minute before typing “I’d be delighted” and pressing send.
