I went back into work this week. Scheduled to meet a Shell senior executive, first, I found myself standing shoulder to shoulder with all my other colleagues in our canteen turned conference room, listening to the news that the decision has been made to close down our HQ campus and move all activity to London by the end of 2016. And that the voluntary redundancy process starts in May with the compulsory process to follow thereafter. None of this comes as a surprise to any of us in the room. Like other companies, operating in low dollar priced oil, Shell need to trim their costs. In addition, they also have the additional pressure of recouping some of the £45bn they have spent acquiring BG Group. And more broadly, the energy industry is undergoing another seismic shift, an urgent need for a lower and more productive cost base and more innovative thinking to secure cleaner and more easily replicable energy sources for all. Our Townhall meeting explained context and rationale, the leaders were open, engaged and responsive. The respect and care they demonstrated goes a long way to softening such difficult news. I feel proud to have belonged, to still belong. And my loyalty is shifting, away from the old and embracing the new.
But loyalty can often be misplaced. In some cases it can be determined by a bullying, mercurial, hierarchical leadership style which demands respect, creates fear and reduces individuals to shards of themselves often without them realising. 
Sometimes loyalty is not earned – “My parents always voted this way”. “My friends always go to this venue”. “We always go to the supermarket closest to home” etc. These are cases where loyalty is the default position, leading to complacency and sometimes malpractice.
So for me it’s interesting to think about loyalty in the context of the news I have heard and seen this week. The tragedy of Hillsborough, where 96 innocent Liverpool football fans were crushed to death due to inexperience, incompetence and ineffectual decision-making is a perfect example. This is the harrowing true story of grieving families being subjected to psychological bullying, harassment and terror for 27 years. And in this time, many police officers, 116 at least, if the doctored police reports are anything to go by, maintain a steadfast loyalty and silence to their employer. This is a situation where rank and file are firmly loyal to each other all the way up the organisation and where leaders remain unchallenged and firmly loyal to the rank and file. 
Demonstrated by the extent that leaders will blindly and categorically refute wrong doing within their command structure and will actively seek to apportion blame elsewhere. A situation where right and wrong and the personal values which bind the 23 pages of police code and ethics become grey and questionable.
Clear and simple values and ethics form a large part of creating a framework to guide leaders and teams. In the past when launching new organisation values, we designed the content to enable our senior leadership team to connect with what these values meant for them. This was done by writing several mainly real life conundrums and ethical dilemmas that our leaders face where there is no right and wrong, where the answer in itself is grey, where only the values of leaders will allow them to arrive at their best solution. Facilitating this session allowed me to see and hear the rich diversity of experience, belief and thought in the organisation and it also demonstrated that rarely is there right and wrong.
Of course one man’s truth is another man’s fiction and it is our perspective, our inherent cultural beliefs, myths, stories and legends, our experiences, peer group and leaders which inform our view and command our loyalty. To balance our bias, we set rules (laws) to help govern our decisions and ensure society abides by these. We charge our police force, to uphold, guard, protect and enforce these laws. And we hold them and ourselves to account when these are broken.
In terms of policing perhaps Hillsborough will be the final snapping of the rotten tree branch, shaming us all into demanding a different, more ethically moral and transparent Police Force. It’s surely effective justice that when situations occur like Hillsborough, the Guildford Four, Maguire Seven and more recently Plebgate, that those in charge are held to account. But we need to look further and deeper into how this institution ingrains loyalty amongst its rank and file. 
I don’t believe that all of these police officers blindly follow their leaders when untrue stories are being concocted and shared. I don’t believe that they all lack integrity and commitment. So what happens to force their silence, to bind them to their senior officers? How do you break the ingrained systemic behaviour and belief that if “I look out for you, you will look out for me”, no matter what it takes and the consequences it brings?
Prosecution of senior leadership is only right and proper and it will bring some kind of healing to the bereaved families. But it’s not the solution. Cutting off the head of the serpent only means the serpent learns new ways to survive.
For society to regain its belief in the Police Force requires the collective Force to recognise it’s time for root and branch reform. And painful though this will be, it’s the only way that they will regain the loyalty of society.
And those in big business, who demand unswerving loyalty in return for interesting work, fat pay checks and big benefits, would do well to remember that building a company this way creates shallow foundations. Irrespective of performance, growth or employee commitment, an organisation lacking leadership moral fibre and a strong purpose and ethos is always ripe for change.
It’s two weeks before my operation. The weight and enormity of my cancer diagnosis is behind me. I’m focused on the practical. All I have to do, prepare for, organise lies ahead. There are lists in every notebook, on every large magnetic surface. I am a whirlwind of efficiency, able to project risks, variabilities, possibilities and solutions. More loquacious than I’ve been for a long time, I ask for and receive help, love, support, kindness. In amongst this maelstrom, I open an email. Would I like to participate in IC Fight Night? An industry event where four executives postulate on various topics and be red or green carded by the audience. Immediate feedback. Immediate discussion. Immediate interaction and debate. Four leading industry executives. One winner. It’s in April next year. Months away. I think about it for less than a minute before typing “I’d be delighted” and pressing send.
I’m playing one of my sing-a-long playlists, everything from Joni Mitchell, Nick Drake, Gram Parsons, Emmylou Harris, Carly Simon, James, Taylor, Fleetwood Mac through to John Legend, Bruno Mars, Phil Phillips, Coldplay and even Johnny Cash singing the Old Rugged Cross – my Nana used to sing this as a soloist in church and I still remember sitting in a hard wooden pew listening to her voice soar while silently
as the pubs had closed, we would stand importantly at the front of the pulpit
and trill 
And without the ability to hold the notes, my ability to let go in the music is diminishing. It’s fine being the funny guy – Craig and Roscoe roll around laughing as I try to get the tune out- but inside it hurts.
Founded in 1974 as a response to violent conflict in Irish society, Glencree was where all of the political parties from Ireland, North and South, and the main parties from Britain, participated in inclusive and multilateral dialogue workshops to bring about the Irish peace process. This learning and talking, which took patience, time and perseverance, was then built on and shared with the likes of Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the South African peace and reconciliation team, survivors of Rwandan genocide and many others from all over the world who are involved in, or victims of, acts of religiously motivated or political violence.
We would wrap ourselves in the knitted patchwork blankets, created by survivors of these many atrocities and share our stories, tell our tales, practice our learning and be reminded of our amazing lives and opportunities. And the love, fear, memories and hope bound into every stitch, enveloping me in every moment, turned out to be more powerful and transformative than any facilitation certificate. Although I did receive the certificate too!!
not at all like the chaotically colourful, soft, patchwork yarns of Glencree! Wrapped inside, I look like a larvae who has enjoyed his fill of plant life. My half head protruding from its layers, I lie quietly trying to empty my mind and not fall asleep.
The research being conducted into the potential damage to the brain by holding a mobile phone near the head is a great cause of concern to the execs of the mobile phone companies. And, increasingly, Doctors like Dr Erica Mallery-Blythe are publishing their 
we are re-learning to connect without the constant glancing at phones, electronics and gadgets.
There is much to be said for the routine of habit.
I own my behaviour or as Roscoe often says “you only own your own self”.
The need, the habit of attaching self-worth to the work, has shifted.
Click 
Living in Africa, you breathe differently. Its a hunger for breath, a joyous grasp for every drop of air, it makes you feel so ALIVE! Every day, every night, every trip could be your last, particularly if outside of Kampala, driving in the dark, when locals believed that using headlights was burning fuel, so did without! 
Once, driving out of Kampala in the musky light of pre-dawn, on my way to a 6am flight out of Entebbe, I followed a large lorry and a couple of cars, over an unexpected hump in the road. I recoiled when I saw a man’s head roll into the side of the reservation. It was too dangerous for a single Muzungu woman to stop, so I had to carry on, badly shaken and with a heavier heart.
My dearest friend, Jill, sold her cottage in Wales and emigrated to a new life in Vancouver Island in her late 70’s. She is one of my role models. This is how I intend to be! Watch the best Exotic Marigold Hotel 1 and 2 movies and let me know if you’re interested in joining me…
So saying this, I know I need to consider growing older with an attitude of positivity, health and well-being. There is an interesting article in 
I’ve watched people letting go what they once belonged to and take new, tentative steps into the un-known.
Well, all the visualisation, tapping, swallowing tablets, drinking green juice and attempts to walk 10,000 steps a day, have not paid attention to my mind’s bidding. I have to let go of my desire to be better 
Yet these patterns are now being broken and in the letting go of the matriarch there is letting go of the family machinations.
Our energy, creativity, innovation and passion don’t exist in walls, places, stock prices, shareholder opinions or the BG employee brand, these attributes exist in us.
So my morning shower is where my subconscious whacks me on the head and yells LISTEN HERE! It’s the place where I have out-loud, role-play conversations with friends and adversaries. It’s where I kick ass, speak most eloquently, win arguments. react with most passion and generally gain clarity. It’s the place where my second voice, my inner voice, is the loudest and most true. My showers are the best places for my day dreams.
And waking up at the first light of dawn, crawling from a small tent and peering into the grey morning mist is a delicious sensation (often before the reality of blistered feet and wet boots creep back into consciousness).
My third example is a local “school Mum”. I figured she was one of those stay at home types who were dismissive of us working Mothers, as we were never around for bake sales, school events or play ground chats. Today, all three women are part of my tribe and I am proud to call them great friends. So what changed?![Title: THELMA AND LOUISE ¥ Pers: DAVIS, GEENA / SARANDON, SUSAN ¥ Year: 1991 ¥ Dir: SCOTT, RIDLEY ¥ Ref: THE079BE ¥ Credit: [ MGM/PATHE / THE KOBAL COLLECTION ]](https://i0.wp.com/www.still-talking.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/appearances-thelma-and-Louise-300x169.jpeg?resize=300%2C169)
